Much has happened since I last updated this blog. I had a hard week two weeks ago, at the end of which I had a discussion with my mentor teacher which resulted in her agreeing to seek more support for me from senior levels of administration at the school. I had a visit with the VP at Gascoigne last Wednesday (nine days ago) and she asked me how I was feeling. I replied honestly that I was still struggling somewhat with the behaviour management side of things, but that I was continuing to work on it, and happy with the support I'd had from the other yr 1 teachers, and generally happy at Gascoigne. She then expressed the same concern--though never fleshed out in any more detail than what I had said--and told me that since I was employed through an agency (and Gascoigne has many agency staff) I would not be funded for any extra support, as I would be if I was permanently employed on a contract as a Newly Qualified Teacher by Gascoigne. (NQTs are eligible for one day off every week to observe other teachers and/or attend workshops, as well as regular observations and feedback and team teaching with a more experienced teacher.) She essentially gave me to understand that I was on probation for the next week or two.
After the initial shock of her message--and the sting of perceived failure--wore off, I realized that I was really feeling pretty stressed out by this job, and perhaps the best thing in the world for me would be to get out of this long-term job and go back to day-to-day supply. So it was without a great deal of surprise or sadness that I received the news from TimePlan (my agency) on Friday last week that Gascoigne wanted me to finish my tenure with them this Friday.
I have spent this week packing up my things, trying to get everything in order for the new teacher who's taking over (who turns out to be another young teacher from TimePlan) as much as possible, and doing the best job I can with these kids for my last week with them. Yesterday and today, Shola (the replacement teacher) was teaching for much of it, and I have been sent into the reception and nursery classes on day-to-day supply. So it was kind of a weird way to end--I only saw my kids for ten minutes to say goodbye today.
While I don't feel much attachment to most of my students, I feel regret for the turmoil they're going through again. Shola is now the fourth teacher they've had this year. sShe and I had a meeting with one child's parents yesterday who are concerned about the impact on their son, who was noted as having social difficulties already in reception, of this ongoing disruption which has cut him off from the friends he was making early in the year before this "overflow" class was formed, also wondering what will happen to him next year.
So it's over. I have said goodbye to my yr 1 class, and can now enjoy my break without thinking at all about planning (or marking) for the Monday after the break. I am definitely looking forward to stepping back from all the paperwork, all the planning, all the pressure and all-consuming nature of having my own class.
On the other hand, it has been a huge learning experience for me. I have learned much about planning, about the National Curriculum, about assessment, and about management. Gascoigne is a large school (1000+ students) so I have had the opportunity to get to know and work with a bunch of other teachers, and it has been nice to have a team of 4 other yr 1 teachers to bounce ideas with. I got to know some teachers and teaching assistants whom I'll be sorry to leave behind. Several have asked me to stay in touch.
Where God closes one door, I believe he opens another. I look forward to the next stage of the journey with anticipation. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to having some relaxation time this next week, as I take the train through the chunnel to visit the medieval city of Bruges in Belgium.